Q: How long will it take me to get insanely rich?
A: Depends on you. Probably two weeks. Some people take as long as a month.
Q: Does it take hard work or long hours to get insanely rich?
A: No. This is the internet.
Q: Can just anybody get insanely rich?
A: Yes. This is the internet.
Q: How do I proceed?
A: As
you're surfing around the net you'll see banners and links that say things like
"Make Fourteen Million Dollars in Ninety Days, Click Here to See How!" Simply
click the link to get started.
Q: It won't really take ninety days
though, will it?
A: Of course not. They just say that so you'll be pleasantly
surprised and so it doesn't sound like hype.
Q: Okay, I've found one
that says "Retire to Your Own Caribbean Isle in One Month!" Is that good?
A: Perfect.
Q: What does MLM mean?
A: Nobody really knows.
Morons Lose Money has been snidely suggested by the little-brains.
Q:
I signed up and now I sell low phone rates. They say it's the easiest thing to
sell because everyone uses a phone. And since it's MLM, by the time my third level
is operating I'll be making $345,915.45 per week.
A: Conservatively.
Q: They say the first step is to get my mother into the program. Why is
my sponsor happy that Mom has Alzheimers?
A: Your sponsor is a shrewd
business person. People with any sort of memory disorder make the best targ...
uh, clients. You can switch your mother's long distance carrier for her, and then
start calling the other members of her support group.
Q: That sounds
a little fishy.
A: The ends justify the means. You are offering people
substantial savings on long distance. It's for their own good.
Q:
How else can I get new business?
A: Spam. Spam. Spam.
Q:
I thought spam was bad.
A: No, spam is good. Anyone who says it's bad
is just jealous because their brains are too small.
Q: But won't I
lose my web host and ISP?
A: In the get-rich-quick business, it's important
to cultivate a zen-like non-attachment to service providers.
Q: What
else can I do to promote my new business?
A: Here's a list of suggestions:
--Sign up with a free website provider and fill your site with zany colors
and flashy banners.
--Join every free banner exchange.
--Get your own
free-for-all links page.
--Join every opt-in email list with the word Money,
Rich or Lackwit in the title.
--Buy software that submits your site URL to
the 15,000 most important search engines.
--Buy software that submits your
ad to the 50,000 most-read free classified sites.
--Buy software that submits
your link to the 100,000 most popular free-for-all link pages.
--Hire a bulk
emailer.
--Sponsor a golf tournament.
Q: Okay, I've done all
that and I'm still not rich. I haven't even driven my hitcounter to its knees
yet. What am I doing wrong?
A: It's possible that you're not very bright.
Consult one of your friends who has retired on their internet earnings.
Q: What if I don't have any friends who have retired on their internet earnings?
A: Then contact someone on the internet who has retired on their internet
earnings.
Q: What if I've never heard of anyone retiring from their
internet earnings?
A: Well, then maybe you can be the first.
